Desire

The history of medicine proves that in so far as man seeks to know himself and face his whole nature, he has become free from bewildered fear, despondent shame, or arrant hypocrisy. As long as sex is dealt with in the current confusion of ignorance and sophistication, denial and indulgence, suppression and stimulation, punishment and exploitation, secrecy and display, it will be associated with a duplicity and indecency that lead neither to intellectual honesty nor human dignity.

• Alfred Kinsey, in Sexual Behaviour in the Human Male (1948)

Considering he wrote that in 1948 Mr. Kinsey was significantly ahead of his time, which impresses me is how it still resounds true more than sixty year after he wrote it. Have we made no progress? His writing resonates particularly with survivors of sexual trauma. As a survivor it takes a daily and significant effort to accept how my trauma affects my sexual life and interactions. While I may be content with the issue, a partner's attitude and behavior can play a significant role in my confidence level. It is simply logical that someone you love has the ability to also harm you. It is for this reason that the majority of my sexual interaction has been with individuals who I have maintained at emotional arms length. Crossing a threshold, being sexually involved with someone you have a substantial connection with is both tantalizing and terrifying. I hope I'm up for it.