Blowbang

With the emergence of the internet in concurrence with the puberty of my generation came the explosion of pornography. While previous generations sneaked glances at their father's playboys, or the magazines circulated around social circles, my generation used Lime Wire and the internet, to download naked pictures, videos, audio files. At twelve years old, rather than looking at still images, I exposed myself to explicit pornography. An irrelevant, past fact, from this fact we could direct this discussion towards the difficulties of parenting a generation of tremendous changes in society, but more so, due to recent event I'll guide this post towards the difficulty and effects of pornography on monogamous relationships. Particularly from the male perspective.

Pornography, at a minimum, on the subconscious level envelops men, at a young age, with unrealistic sexual expectations. Whether it be fetishes of group sex, the sexual aggression or god-forbid rape scenarios, the medium of the internet has allowed men to discover, what generations ago would of been unrealized sexual desires. Which is not necessarily a negative fact, however the key interaction is how these realized sexual desires, whether it be public humiliation or transvestites, come into the realm of play in a monogamous relationship.

I do realize pornography can be used as an effective and healthy tool in sexual relationships, I don't dispute that. Men can use it to show their partners positions, methods, etc. Some may find it more comfortable to simply show their partner, rather than explain. Also obviously, it can be used for stimulation if the pornography is suitable to both individuals. However the key focal point of the positive aspects of pornography in relationships is that it encourages sexual communication between partners.

Pornography does and can bring difficulties. Especially when the subject matter is discovered on a partners computer. By the age of, say 25, a man who has been exposed to pornography since the age of puberty may not be aroused in a masturbatory setting by a simple male-female "plain jane" pornographic scene. The progression of arousal may move from still images, to video, to any number of fetishes or desires, however in the instance of discovery, for example my girlfriend discovered fetish porn on my computer, it is vital that she understands one key fact. Women must be able to identify if their male partners can separate fantasy from reality, and if and when their partners want the two to collide. With that stated, it comes full circle back to communication, this time in a negative sense. When a man, of whatever history, not just my own Childhood Sexual Abuse, is discovered in terms of his deepest sexual desires it is important that he is not judged. Whether it be accepted, rejected, embraced or politely dismissed it is important that the conversation concludes with a respect for your partners desires and emotional well being. A man will be disappointed, possibly angry, if his wife refuses to try bondage or anal sex, but he will be ashamed, and hurt if she judges him for those desires.